Who’s That Girl? Gwyneth vs. Jeanne

Every week Amil Niazi styles the Robber mannequins and then takes you on a sartorial spirit quest, finding the stories buried in the silk and wool. Each week, check out her modern fairytales and then vote for your favourite!

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Oh Gwyneth you glorious bitch, look at you standing there in your Shabd silk tank ($299 $150), Nomia slouch tie pants ($349 $225) and Iacoli & McAllister necklace ($65), silently judging other women for being alcoholic gluten-heads with flabby arms and regularly-named children. I don’t know how you get away with saying things like, “I prefer organic Nepalese air-dried tomatoes to the standard western sun-dried alternative,” but you do! Do you ever laugh though Gwyneth? Do you ever unbutton the top button of your pants when you’re sitting at your desk because it’s kind of thrilling and you kind of ate too much chicken-fried rice today? DO YOU? Gwyneth we know you’re perfect but do YOU know that there’s no such thing as perfect? And do you think I could get the recipe for that kale and chia quinoa loaf you’re ALWAYS talking about? I want to invite you to my party Gwyn, can I call you Gwyn?, but I’m only using paper plates this month and I don’t feel like explaining myself to you all night. Cute top though.

Spirit animal: Ms. Goop herself
Power song: Uptight Good Woman by Solomon Burke

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The thing is it’s supposed to be pronounced Gee-Anne but ever since she caught a late-night repeat of Fashion Television she’s been telling everyone to call her Gee-nee because she’d never met another Jeanne before and this one was just so, I don’t even know, “razmatazz” about everything so how could she keep calling herself Gee-Anne? She keeps little mantras like “Be who you are, not who you should be” on tiny scraps of paper in her purse, not in a cheesy way but in a motivational, millenial, Michelle Obama-kind of way. People at work used to think she was a pushover until she told Bob one day that goddammit he should get his own coffee because she wasn’t an intern and now everyone thinks she’s kind of bad-ass which she took as a cue that she could start wearing neon to work. Why don’t you tell Bob what you think of his attitude in your own Jeanne-inspired Luna blouse by Dace ($189 $140), Shabd silk pocket skirt ($399 $199), and Maude & Colette little long geo necklace ($95).

Spirit animal: Jeanne Friggin’ Beker
Power song: Lagerfeld Lady by Fritz Helder and the Phantoms

So who won you over this week, Gwyneth or Jeanne? Scroll down for the poll!

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4 responses to “Who’s That Girl? Gwyneth vs. Jeanne

  1. I let Sylvie pick and to my surprise she picked the girl with pants!

  2. Cute – so sophisticated. She’s growing up TOO fast.

  3. every time i see the name of this feature, i get that eve song stuck in my head (“la la la la la la la la la la la laaaa…”). which is great, actually.

  4. Did Erin even happen to mention she has a sister named Gwyneth – who is also a good customer of Robber. I don’t yet own the orange tank though…

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